Toy Poems

These poems were written in response to a brief I was sent for a toy-themed anthology.
The poems were eventually rejected, so I thought I'd publish them here instead!

A Gift Horse in the Mouth

To Auntie Joan and Uncle Ray,

I did say "Thanks" on Christmas day,
but Mum says you gave so much stuff,
just saying it was not enough.
She says the least that I should do
is write a note to say 'thank you'.
Quite why I should, I do not know,
but Mum insists, so here I go:

Thank you for the action-figure;
my friend has got one - only bigger!

Thank you for the new canoe;
I'll put it with my other two.

Thank you for the Mega-Maze;
a pity that was last year's craze.

Thank you for the cuddly toy;
it's perfect - for a younger boy.

Thank you for the spinning top;
they'll love it - at the charity shop.

Thank you for the painting set;
was this the best that you could get?

And thank you for the microscope;
you still have the receipt, I hope!

Phew! I'm glad I'm done with that!

Yours sincerely,

Spoilt Brat.

PS. My birthday - DO remember -
is on the second of September!

I Had it First!

(A dialogue between squabbling playmates)

I had it first!
No you did not!
All right, you did, but you forgot.
You left the pieces on the floor.
I went upstairs to fetch some more.
Well anyway, you're s'posed to share.
But you just took it - that's not fair.
You ALWAYS do this, EVERY time.
You always want whatever I am
playing with - no matter what.
You know it's true - don't say it's not.
Ah, listen to de liddle boy.
Does baby want his chuff-chuff toy?
And don't start with that dumb voice too.
That's something else you always do.
Does diddums want his wailway twack?
Oh, come on DAD! Just give it back!

The Latest Thing

Have you seen 'the latest thing'
in interactive techno-play?
It really is astonishing.
I only got it yesterday.

It makes all sorts of bleeps and blips.
It's got these flashing sensors too!
It has one of those micro-chips
that let it learn new things to do!

No, it's not working any more;
I've used up all the batteries.
No, I don't know what that bit's for;
the booklet was in Japanese.

But isn't it terrific though,
a marvel of technology?
The only thing I'd like to know
is what on earth it's meant to be.

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